Practice Tips: The Conviction of Personal Decisions

Don’t try to beat your thoughts into other people’s heads like a pinata.

In my “Show Not Tell” post I discussed how people bristle at being told what to think. It is therefore your job to make the case without arguing your conclusion.

However, the importance of this technique goes far beyond getting someone to agree. If you let people reach a conclusion on their own, they are far more likely to stick to it. It was their decision—they own it. They want to be right, and they most certainly do not want to be wrong.

Psychologists might relate this to confirmation bias. But let’s look at some examples everybody can relate to. How many times have you gotten into an argument with a spouse, or at the Thanksgiving table with family, over someone else’s opinion? How many times have you seen someone really stick their neck out for someone else’s argument? Probably never. It doesn’t feel important to be right or worth confronting disagreement, for someone else’s point of view.

People do stick their necks out for their own convictions. You might recall a guy named Barack Obama used the slogan “Yes We Can.” He was the only dude in office, so why wasn’t it “Yes He Can”? It sounds basically the same. Same number of letters. But his campaign used “We” because they knew that people will invest time and passion—over the long haul—in something they are a part of, but not when they’re just lining up in support of one guy’s opinions.

As a lawyer, you do not get to follow the jury into deliberations, or the judge into chambers. It should not be your goal to get others to agree with you. One of the most charismatic and unique politicians in American history didn’t try to do that. Who the heck are you? You should instead “show not tell” and let others decide for themselves, and actually believe in it.